Coping with coronavirus: 8 tips from experience in dealing with brain damage

The outbreak of coronavirus has resulted in home-schooling and -working on an unprecedented scale. Many people are suffering with anxiety and stress as they care for relatives who are unwell, or at risk of contracting the virus. Or as they worry about their own immunity or personal finances. Or as they struggle with the isolation, or changes in routine. And, of course, let's not forget the tragic loss of lives, and widespread suffering of those affected by the virus.

I can’t profess to any profound wisdom. But I have experienced plenty of traumatic moments after my son suffered catastrophic brain damage as a result of encephalitis. It’s not the same, but there are some parallels in that we:

• deal with health crises (e.g. in intensive care, emergency visits), sometimes where there no immediate cure.
• cope with prolonged uncertainty, as to what might happen to him and us.
• live with a degree of social isolation as a result of the lifestyle changes that come with severe disabilities.

Yes, being grateful for what you have in life helps, as does meditating, eating and drinking well and exercising. They're well known coping strategies, even if they're difficult to follow at times.

Here's what I suggest which may be a little different from what you've seen elsewhere and which I hope, sincerely, is helpful if you're facing challenges in managing your health (or that of others), coping with isolation or a change in your family or work circumstances:

1. Tackle things in 15 minute pockets - this could be caring, teaching, resting. Do the activity as well as you can, immerse yourself, and without distraction. Then take a moment.
2. Rotate and pivot to something new. Take turns and share responsibility; when you take a break, do something completely different, and take a deep breath and have a stretch. Then when you start again, imagine it's the first time you're doing it.
3. Recognise that it's ok just to get through the day. You don’t have to prove anything to anybody, or feel like you have to win an award, or show that you’re amazing. Just surviving is good enough sometimes. The next day can be a fresh start, if you declutter your mind.
4. Ask simple questions of those you need to hear from (e.g. doctors) and listen attentively. It's ok to get them to repeat it, write it down - your brain is going to be a bit fuzzy. Make a decision if you need to. Or ask somebody you trust for their opinion.
5. Look for glimmers of hope, positive moments, however small. Plant them well in your memory; they’ll flower at some point when you need them most.
6. Share some news or something nice with friends you care about. I guarantee it’ll give you a lift, however they respond. It just helps to know there are other people out there.
7. Work through the grief, frustration, bitterness and other emotions you may feel as wisely as you can. Choose you words as carefully as you can; thoughts and feelings can and should stay with you a lot of the time. Ignore those who say you shouldn't feel this way, or make a comparison with somebody who seems to be coping better (yes, it happens).
8. Put off things that aren't critical. Many things in our lives can wait; they're not that important. I struggle with this, and tried to carry on with other activities, incl. work, when I didn't really need to. The reality is a few weeks or months won’t change much. And you never know what might happen in the space you create.

Many of us are far stronger than we realise, physically and mentally. You control what you think, feel and, most importantly, say. Take charge, get a grip when you can. Be kind to yourself and to those around you. This period may be stressful, exhausting, painful, and even boring. But you can do this.